Home Crazy Home

I now had 2 newborns and a 23 month old at home. Sleep, peace and quiet and privacy were faded memories. My mom stayed with me for the first week. Sleeping on an air mattress in the twin's room. This was a huge help. The twins were on heart monitors. These were supposed to "help" me, and keep me from worrying about them while they slept. Yeah! Right! They went off constantly. An alarm would sound everytime one of the boy's heart rate slowed. Trust me...once that alarm went off, NOBODY's heart rate was slow.

We had lots of doctor's appointments in the first month or two. There are always extra precautions when babies are born prematurely. These were important but they interfered with everything. Looking back, it doesn't seem so bad but at the time, just packing them up was hard. Getting them and their stuff into the van, driving to downtown Memphis, then unpacking them, getting them into the office, waiting. THEN packing them up and heading home...whew! What a pain. Thank God they were healthy and this did not last long.

Eventually, we fell into a routine. A crazy, sleep deprived routine, but a routine nonetheless. Mark switched to second shift so that he would be home with me during the day. He and Sean were big buddies. They did everything together. I'm so grateful for this. I did as much as I could, but I was very busy feeding twins. My mom would come over after work....every day! Mark would leave at 2:00 pm and my mom would show up at about 5:00. Those 3 hours alone were the longest hours of my day.

I breast fed the twins, just like I breast fed Sean. People were always asking me "How can you breast feed twins?". I told them, "It's easy." Not to mention cheaper. We suddenly had two more mouths to feed. How could I NOT breast feed them? I would hold both of them in a football position and feed them together. They're heads would touch and sometimes they would "hold" hands. Sean would get upset with me because I couldn't get up and do things for him during these feedings. SO....he would throw things at us. There I would be....feeding my babies and dodging toys! I can laugh about it now, but then...I cried a lot.

By the time my mom showed up, Sean and I were frazzled and ready for her help. The twins never seemed to be affected by my stress. They were happy little fellows with really big appetites. Thank God (again) that I was able to breast feed them. I never ran out. I like to think that this was God's favor to me. His way of saying "I know it's tough, so here." I breast fed them for 13 months. Of course, they would occasionally take a bottle when necessary. As they got older they started eating cereal and baby food. Right on schedule. Just like single babies do.



I've got a little secret. Sometimes I miss breast feeding. I'm so very glad that I did it and IF I were to have another baby (not gonna happen), I would breast feed him too. Yes, I said "him". There's no doubt in my mind!

The Big Day!

Once I got over the shock, I admit, I was excited about having twins. However, I suddenly felt like an alien. My body was growing into a shape that did not resemble my old self. I developed carpal tunnel syndrome, I was sick all day every day. I was starving all the time but nothing seemed to stay in my stomach. THEN I passed a few kidney stones. Of all times to get kidney stones! Apparently they had sat dormant in my kidneys for some time and all of these changes taking place, disrupted them. I never got enough sleep. Sean wasn't two years old yet. He still wanted his mommy's full attention.

To top things off "Baby A" wasn't growing as quickly as "Baby B" and I had to go to the Med for ultrasounds every month. I had developed Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. This sometimes happens with Mono Zygotic twins (also known as identical twins). One baby takes all of the nutrients and the other baby is deprived. I was told that if the situation got worse, I would have to go to Nashville for a special procedure. They would poke small holes in the placenta wall separating the twins. Thank God I never had to deal with that. However, I did worry. A lot! What if I lost"Baby A"? I was terrified of having twins, but I was even more terrified of losing one.

My family and I survived all those months. It wasn't easy but having a good husband, and supportive mother and sisters, helped. The last ultrasound showed that "Baby A" had actually lost a little weight. Not much....maybe a 1/2 ounce, but enough to be concerned. This was it. They sent me home and told me to pack my bag. These babies were coming today. I was scheduled for an emergency C-section at 34 weeks.

We rallied the troops and headed to the hospital. I was scared. My pregnancy and birth with Sean were textbook. I didn't have a single problem. Now, I was going to be cut open and 2 babies would be taken out of me. What if they didn't survive out here? How was I going to take care of two premature babies? I was putting all of my faith in God and the doctors. I told myself that everything would be fine. About 5:00pm they rolled me into the delivery room. I had my epidural and was feeling no pain. In fact, I was so worn out and sleep deprived that I snored through the entire procedure. Unfortunately, our video camera battery had died so Mark was unable to record it for me. They took "Baby A" out first. We named him Nicholas. The nurse showed him to me. He was so small but he was beautiful. It turns out that "Baby B" was not only taking the food, he was taking all the room. Nick was breech with his feet up by his ears. Literally pushed in the "corner" of my womb. So when the nurse tried to measure him, his feet had to be held down because he was used to being folded at the waist! "Baby B" came out exactly one minute later. We named him Benjamin. Big Baby Ben. He wasn't much bigger but looked it by contrast to his brother.

I could see them but they had to go straight to the NICU so I was unable to hold them. Ironically, Nick, the smaller one, the one we all worried about was doing remarkably well. His organs had fully developed. As if he was not born 6 weeks early. The pediatrician said his only explanation was that nature knew what was going on and took over. I agree. Nature and God. Ben was healthy. He had to be put on oxygen, but not for long. All in all, they were healthy babies. VERY healthy compared to some of the other babies in the NICU. When I was finally allowed to be wheeled down there to see them, I was so happy. When I saw them, I cried. I couldn't believe that the two little babies who had wreaked so much havoc on my body and emotions were finally here.

Now what do I do?

The Shock of my Life

When my first born was about 14 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again. This was not my plan. In fact, I had used different types of birth control for a while. I started feeling sick to my stomach and "yucky" so I stopped using birth control all together. I figured between the chemicals in my body and the lack of "baby making" activity, I would be protected from pregnancy for a week or two. Who was I kidding? Remember, it only takes one time.
Finding out that I was pregnant was not the end of the world. After all, I had planned on having a big family. I no longer wanted 6 kids. I just couldn't handle that amount of sleep deprivation! No. I had decided that four wonderful kids would be enough. My husband wanted two. So.... we comprimised. 3 became our magic number. So baby number two showed up a couple of years early? So be it. I was fine with that.
When it came time to hear my baby's heartbeat I went to the doctor with my toddler in tow. My mom works for my OBGYN, and I knew he'd be happy to see her. The nurse had no trouble finding the baby's heartbeat and it was strong. This was a good sign. It was late in the day and there were no more patients to be seen, so we decided to do an ultrasound. We really didn't think that we would see anything this early in the pregnancy, but, what the heck.
My mom held my son while we got started. I looked at the screen and thought to myself "I wonder what that other thing is." Just then the technician said, "Well, it seems there are two fetuses". I stared at her as if she was an alien. She said "There are two babies. Here's a baby and here's a baby." I said "WHAT? I don't understand what you are saying." She said "Angie. You're going to have twins." I looked at my mom and cried "Mom, I'm not having twins!". She ran out of the room, still holding my son and told the entire office. The doctors and nurses came in to see. Everyone was so excited and talking at the same time. Me? I was crying. How could I have two babies?? My first child wasn't even two years old yet. I was in shock. The tech looked at the babies and all seemed fine. She labled them "baby A" and "baby B", printed the picture and sent me on my way. On the drive home, I would cry and then just laugh. I talked to my son, as if he could understand what was going on. Hoping he might help me undertand what was going on.
I got home and found my husband cutting the grass. My son jumped out of my arms and ran to his daddy. No a care in the world. My husband chatted with him for a minute, then looked at me and asked "How was your doctor's appointment?" I gave him the ultrasound picture then started to cry. He asked me if this was a joke. I lsmiled and said "No!" He ran inside the house. He called his mother. He was beaming...as if HE had actually done something special to make twins. Everyone was so excited and happy. I was happy but scared.
This was the begining of yet a new chapter in my life. Was I up to the task????

I always wanted to be a Mom. Thought I would make a good mom too. I wanted a big family. 6 kids. Girls and boys. Then I had a son. A sweet, beautiful, precious little red head. A little boy who wanted me all the time and never slept. You don't know torture until you are not allowed to sleep! Thankfully I was a stay at home mom. I don't think I could've coped in the work place. My brain just didn't function like it did before pregnancy. When I say I was a stay at home mom, I mean I was a "STAY AT HOME" mom. I couldn't go anywhere. My husband would get up at 5 am to go to work and I would be nursing on the couch. When he came home at 4 pm, I would be nursing on the couch. I was to tired to get off the couch and my new baby wouldn't let me put him down long enough to do anything. I thought it was a good day if I was able to get out of my pajamas and brush my teeth. Forget makeup and hair!

It was so hard. You give up everything to be a mom and you wonder if things will ever be the same. Then your baby grows and eventually you are able to get off that couch. You can put your makeup on again. You can go out in public. Sure you have spit up on your clothes BUT you have on lipstick and your having adult conversations. Your little baby is walking and talking. Life is good.

Then, you find out that you're pregnant again!